Moved to Surrender

To say that I did not expect God to move in such a powerful way last week is an understatement. I went into my week of boot camp in Georgia excited to finally meet the sweet souls I would be spending 9 months of my life with and sweet they were. Each and every one of them was ecstatic to be at camp and to be growing in their faith. Getting to finally hug the sweet friends I had texted with for so so long prior to meeting was completely unreal. I felt like it was a dream, but God had something big planned for my time there. 

Quickly the reality of what I had signed up for began to sink in as I set up my tent and was taken on a tour of campus. Bucket showers and port-a-potties would be my bathroom reality for the next several days and for four to six weeks in the fall. I immediately started to question whether or not I could really do that. Camping had never been one of my favorite things and to give up all sense of comfort was a lot. I felt so overwhelmed yet, I heard the Lord say “humble yourself”. Humble myself, but these conditions suck I wanted to say, but I knew that he was right. Just because this wasn’t the same as the comfort of home, this would be my reality and I still had a lot to be thankful for. Thankful for the tent that was waterproof when it rained, thankful for the new deep friendships I was forming, thankful for running water to fill up my buckets for my shower, thankful for food and so much more. I did not need all the comforts of home in fact, so many people around the world live without them. 

Additionally, I had walked into camp feeling shaky about a dating relationship I was in. There was just an unrest that had come over my spirit and I began praying that God would give me an answer to that during the week. The first night during worship I felt a clear “you need to breakup with him” but immediately attributed that to my own brain telling me that and ignored it. The week went on and I continued to wrestle with both the uncertainty over this relationship and the doubt of if I could find peace in such an environment with so little compared to what I was used to. All of the thoughts swarming in my head were a lot but I continued to press in to God during worship and during the messages. Yet a piece of me still felt disconnected from God.

On the third night of camp, we worshiped and listened to a talk on the Holy Spirit that was extremely powerful. As the speaker was wrapping up he informed us all that the leaders were gonna come and pray over us. One of my leaders came and prayed over me and then continued on down the row. As I was sitting there on the floor I was filled with immense praise and joy, yet I had this desire to ask the Lord for healing of my headaches. I have had chronic headaches for 12 years and they take a lot of the life out of me at times. I didn’t quite know how to ask for this because I had already been prayed over, but as I was thinking that one of the leaders walked to the front of the room and grabbed the microphone. She said ” I feel like is someone in this room who needs to be seen and prayed over. If that is you will you raise your hand”. Me being stubborn, didn’t raise her hand and was like no she wasn’t talking about me.

The leader then looked around the room and said ” I feel like there is still one more person who needs this. Will you raise your hand?” At this point, Im ok God I will raise my hand. As my hand goes up the same leader comes over who prayed over me before. I tell him about my headaches and he starts praying over me. Not much changes but the pain gets a little less. After praying over me for a little bit he looks up at me and asks how I am doing. He then says “I see this vision of a ship on the water with the wind blowing, but the sails are closed. I don’t know what that means.” 

At that moment, I start crying. That is exactly how I had felt all week. I felt so stuck and I did not know why. So he prayed over me one more time and then walked away. I sat there and begged God to show me why I felt stuck. 

Worship comes to an end and I head back to the tents to grab my face wash and soap. I am sharing back and forth with some of the girls about what God did during the service. One of the girls, Grace, says “hey, I wanna pray over you before you go to sleep.” and I say ok. 

I get my teeth brushed and don’t see Grace so I figured she had gone to sleep. I climb into my tent and lay down and continue to pray about what is holding me back. I kept hearing that I was holding myself back and I was super confused as to what that meant. All of the sudden I hear Grace yelling my name so I call her over to my tent with our friend Harlie and they climb in. We start talking and the conversation spirals down to my boyfriend. They ask a few questions and remind me of what a relationship should look like when it is pursuing God together. I start to cry at the thought of breaking up with him knowing he is not pushing me closer to God. Just then Grace makes a comment under her breath that “I am just holding myself back”. I froze.

She had no idea that, that was the exact words God had told me and that she had just been the answer to my prayer. 

I went to bed that night, honestly struggling with the idea of everything going on. I knew I was supposed to be going on The World Race without a shadow of a doubt because there have been a number of confirmations and I now knew that the dating relationship was one of the main things holding me back in my faith and that I was going to have to break up with him when I got home. My heart was heavy because that was not what I wanted.

God was asking me to give himself absolutely all of me and that required me to lay every desire of my heart and every dream at his feet. My desire for a relationship and marriage at the foot of the cross. My desire for comfort and stability at the foot of the cross. My desire for control at the foot of the cross. He had shown me just how good he really was and was asking me to surrender everything little or big, so I had to lay it all down and trust he had a plan, because my goal on this Earth is to bring him praise and we can bring him praise by sharing the gospel. That was his call and I needed to surrender. 

Post Boot Camp: 

I made it home safely and am getting back into the swing of life at home for the last couple months before I launch on the Race in September. Time is going so quickly so I am trying to make the most of every moment! I did break up with my boyfriend upon getting back and it has been really hard for both of us. I have found myself questioning what God is doing in my life a lot and struggling to trust his plan. Although, time and time again he has proven to meet me right where I am in each moment and encourage me or surround me with people to encourage me to keep going. I am so so grateful for that! I am so excited to see what God has in store for this year. I know it is gonna be big things!

Prayer Requests:

1)Healing of my heart from my breakup and the ability to see God moving through that situation.

2) Continued funding for my trip! We are almost there and God has been so so faithful to provide for me over and over again. 

3) Preparation of heart and mind for leaving in September!

Thank you all for your support! With Love, Kalyssa