Yes, I am still afraid of lightning

“You are 19 why are you afraid of lightning?” The enemy whispered in my ear.

It is 2:50 a.m. and I am awake in the dead of night for the third night in a row.

Sighing, I instantly roll back over and try to go back to sleep. Snuggling back into my bed, I was startled by the brightness of the flash of light that came through the window. Eyes shooting open and looking around as lines of concern filled my face. Where had that come from and what was it? Groggy racing thoughts filled my brain as a deep rumble came from outside. With it brought the realization that there was a lightning storm happening outside my window.

Fear ran ice cold through my veins and panic stirred within me.

Mind racing even faster than before, I lay back down trying to calm my racing thoughts. In that moment, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the verse John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Don’t let your heart be troubled or fearful.”

Reciting the verse to myself and crying out to my Father, I fought to find any ounce of comfort. Slowly some began to come as I imagined Jesus laying next to me and holding me close. For years, I had wished that God could hug me or hold me during moments when I desperately needed physical comfort. 

Although, still laying in my bed feeling panicked, I began to wonder if I should wake my sleeping team mate to help me calm down. Yet, I felt bad having to wake her up so I just sat there contemplating what to do and hoping God would send someone to me.

A few seconds later, someone walked into the room and out the other door. My breathe caught in my throat. Who was that, I thought. I couldn’t tell who had walked by so I waited till she came back in. When she did, I quickly asked who it was. Discovering it was my friend, I quickly explained the fear that was running through me. Without hesitation, she helped me grab my things and brought me with her to the upstairs couch. Settling back in and snuggling into the couch right next to her comfort flooded through me and relaxing I fell asleep again.

The next morning, I was journaling about all that had happened the night before and fighting the thoughts of shame for the amount of fear I had been in the night before.

As I talked to God about all of it, he showed me that he had been giving me what I had been desiring for years, physical comfort. He was my friend laying next to me as I was afraid. He had also been the friend who hugged me as I cried days before. He had been sending people to give me physical comfort in my pain for years and I just hadn’t seen it was him in those moments until now.

He was walking besides me every step of the way even when I couldn’t see it.

It is these sweet moments that show me just how intimately involved the Lord is in my life. He knows my heart and the deepest desires of it. He meets me right where I am to love me so intentionally. That is the kind of God that loves me and I did nothing to deserve it. I do not have to work to get to salvation. I do not have to be perfect or say the right prayers to get to the arms of the Father. God sent Jesus to die on the cross to make a way that we could be justified (forgiven of our sins) and be able to have a direct relationship with God.

Ephesians 2:8-9

“For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is a God’s gift— not from works, so that no one can boast.”

The even crazier part is that is the kind of love and intimacy he desires to give every single person on this earth, but he gives us the free will to choose if we want it or if we don’t. It is up to you, but he is waiting with open arms. 

So what are you waiting for?

Run to the Father, cry out to him, and you will find an abundance of life, joy, peace, patience, freedom and comfort.

General Update:

As I had previously shared, my squad was scheduled to head from Costa Rica to Columbia as our second country, but God had other plans! We recently found out we will be heading to Guatemala instead of Columbia. Although, we are grieving this change, we are all excited to see what the Lord has for us in Guatemala! 

Thank you for reading my blog!

With Love, 

Kalyssa