As someone who has grown up in the church my entire life, I thought I understood everything about the Bible and was living fully in my faith for the longest time. 

It is funny how a change of scenery and a Christ-like community can shake up our perception of what we do and do not know. Over the last three weeks, God has begun to open my eyes to just how much I don’t actually know. What truly is the character of God? What does it actually mean for me to live all in serving the King of Kings? 

During one of our morning sessions, our speaker, Rosie, unpacked the difference between guilt/conviction and shame. She compared what living in a cycle of shame looked like to living in  a cycle of conviction and repentance. She further explained that shame is not of God, but that conviction is. Conviction prompts us to turn from our sinful ways and back to the way God calls us to live. 

As her sermon wound to a close, there were so many things she said that felt like she had been speaking straight to my heart. I had never heard it explained so simply. The example of how Adam and Eve hid themselves because they were ashamed once they ate of the tree of good and evil (Genesis 3) as God had told them not to was a clear biblical representation of this shame cycle. I understood what she was saying and began to think of all the ways to apply that to my life. 

At this point, We were told to gather in our teams and were asked to discuss the question “what things do we choose to hide behind in our lives that keep us from being fully ourselves for Christ?”

 As I sat and thought about this question, I remember at first not knowing anything. Although, it didn’t stay that way long as a bunch of different things started popping into my head. There were so many answers. I internally began to panic over how many things I was realizing. 

“God I can’t handle fixing all of these things at once!” I remember thinking. Yet, God met me right there in my mess. I felt so broken and overwhelmed by all the things He was revealing to me. He reminded me that I don’t have to fix all the things by myself, but that He will walk with me and help me. 

Seeing more of our sin is not the most comfortable place to be, but the beauty in a spiritual detox is how much it allows God to come in and heal the broken places in our hearts and minds. When we are physically overwhelmed by our brokenness we can’t self fix anymore. It brings us to our knees asking our Father for forgiveness and to be made new. 

I have seen God move in profound ways as I press in and ask him for guidance and wisdom and in areas that I see sin or weakness. He hears our prayers and loves to answer them. 

With love, 

Kalyssa 

Prayer Requests:

- Protection against the lies of the enemy on my team. 

- Healing of one of my squad mate's mom

- Releasing my timeline to God's timeline